"Having sex with him was the same as eating a slice of plain Wonder Bread while looking in the window of a Crate and Barrel."
And the best ever conversational exchange:
Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!